I woke up today thinking that it is Charlotte's birthday. If it is, I'm not sure, but it should be.
I'm constantly worrying about the future. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. I know many people feel this way, but it scares me. I wish I knew what I was good at and what I am interested in. My life is routine. I can't get away from it. I want time to figure out who I am. I want time for me.
If I had any courage, I would get in my car and drive somewhere far away and never come back. I don't want to run from my problems, but I want change. My whole life is just repetition. It's hard to find something I enjoy doing, which is sad to say. I'm just never satisfied. Whatever my problem is, I wish it was easily able to be solved. I find myself in a constant state of melancholy and disinterest.
I don't understand it at all. I have a great life. I have friends and family that love me, but that isn't where my problem lies. It's with me. I don't know how to find my own way or guide myself to where I'd like to be. All I can say is that I am drained physically and emotionally. I want to get out of this rut I am stuck in, but how? I see all of my friends aspiring their careers, knowing exactly what they want and how to get there, and I'm so jealous. I put forth so much effort into my day-to-day but it seem as if it does absolutely nothing. I can't even force myself to have fun.
I don't know what or where my place in the world is. It's not that I am depressed or anything, I just feel like I'm not where I need to be at this point in my life. I need guidance, but I have nowhere to turn for it.
Happy (maybe) birthday, Charlotte. You will be the death of me, you crazy ass cat. I'm not sure where you're at right now, but I'm sure you're thinking up some kind of plot to destroy the world. I want to start a new chapter in my life. I need some sort of change. I spend all of my time worrying about others that I don't take care of myself.
I'm also unsure what I'm doing with this blog. I guess I need some emotionless thing to spill my heart into.
